Last To Arrive
by Tori Yuki Ichimura
Summary: This is a spoof on basically every angst fic where someone dies/ kills themself. Strange... Based off a commercial I saw once, but can't remember where...


**Tori:** This is a spoof on the 'angst' genre!

**Kegawa:** O.o How do you spoof a genre?

**Tori:** *shrugs* … LOOK! I made our names in bold! ^____^

**Ke:** Simple things amuse simple minds…

_Tori:_ Now I'm in italics!

Ke: WOULD YOU STOP THAT!

**Tori: **O.O*

**Ke:** Now, we're gonna start the fic…

**Last One To Arrive**

One day, Heero Yuy was sitting in front of his laptop, the keys clicking as they always seem to do in fics. Occasionally, he would go "Hn." Well, right in the middle of his 'Minesweeper' game, ((What else would he be doing? …work?)) a message popped up.

            "Heero Yuy, I regret to inform you that your comrade/ lover/ long-lost brother/ cousin twice removed has died during battle/ on a recon mission/ removing his bread from the toaster with a fork. Sorry. Catch you on the flip-side. Your Master, J"

            'It doesn't really matter'/ 'Oh God! I'm gonna kill myself'/ '…what an idiot…' Heero thought and rose from his work station. He then walked to the kitchen drawer/ reached into his spandex and pulled out a gun with which he promptly ended his life.

            Not long after, Quatre got word of his friends' deaths. He rushed to tell his koibito and together they decided that life wasn't worth living without their secret lovers/ best friends/ poker buddies so after confessing their eternal love for each other/ making love one last time/ enjoying their last packs of Yan Yan, they slit each others wrists/ jumped off a cliff holding hands/ self-destructed in one Gundam/ took a shower with a hair-dryer.

            That same day, Wu Fei heard of the deaths of his comrades and figured since they all jumped off the proverbial bridge he would too. Hefting his katana, he walked out into his back yard and on the small bridge over the koi pond committed seppuku/ jumped off the little bridge and hit his head, killing him/ gazed longingly into the night sky and uttered "I'm coming, my dear Nataku…" before walking sheathing his sword and quaffing a vial of poison.

            When Treize heard of the death of his slave/ "Little Dragon"/ brother-in-arms/ drinking buddy, he jumped to his feet (not always a wise move in a Jacuzzi) and slipped, killing himself on the ceramic tile.

            At that very moment, Zechs walked in and upon seeing his commander/ lover/ master/ fellow chum naked and dead on the bathroom floor, he bled to death. Out his nose. ((O.o Is that possible?))

            Noin and Une ran in when they heard the noise and while the former died of shock/ in her lover's cold arms with his knife thrust into her chest/ after slipping on the combination of nosebleed and soap and whacking her head on the sink the latter ran off to alert Relena.

            As Une ran down he halls, she collided with Dorothy. They smacked head and died instantly. Une pierced by Dorothy's brows and Dorothy by Une's, um , really hard head.

            Fortunately, of unfortunately, or… how about coincidently? this happened right outside Relena's bedroom door. The blonde girl creaked it open, the sheet clutched to her chest her only cover.

            "OH MY GOD!" she cried and ran back into her room to latch onto Duet, who was sitting at Relena's computer desk tampering with her own grades, in the nude. When Relena-sama glomped her, Duet's elbow depressed the keyboard button for nuclear apocalypse. Weapons all over the world were launched and the Earth was reduced to a smoldering hunk of rock and ore.

~*~*~*~

            The next day, Duo Maxwell stepped off an Earth-Space transport and looked around.

            "Where did everybody go?"

**Fares to Colony: $249 Round trip**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

**Tori:** There's a key for nuclear apocalypse on my keyboard!?

**Ke:** *pat's Tori's hand patronizingly* No… Only on the ones in the Sanq Kingdom Finishing School used for storing grades…

**Tori: ***snaps fingers and scowls*

**Ke:** A~nyway… That fic sucked. 

**Tori: **Think anyone's gonna get the travel agency joke?

**Ke:** Dunno… It's a pretty old commercial.

**Tori: **Meh…

READ AND REVIEW!


End file.
